On the bright side, my neurosurgeon sent a referral for me to the Swedish Pain Clinic! I'm very excited about that because they have all of the resources for me to take some of this pain away (of course not all of it) and I can hopefully begin to feel like someone out there knows how to help me. I'm sure as hell not going to live like this and not self-advocate and take charge of my life. That's definitely not how I roll. I have not seen the doctors at the pain clinic yet due to the fact that the local non-Swedish pain clinic closed down, so they have an overflow of new patients. Totally understandable. I just need to dig deep to get through until that appointment comes. I have a follow up MRI to check to see if I have a syrinx (fluid-filled cyst) in my spinal cord at the end of November and I will see my surgeon two days later. I'm hoping that I do not have a syrinx, that I'll be having regular appointments with the pain clinic, and will be on a better, more hopeful track by that time.
This post is titled "The Unknown" because that's pretty much how I would describe my life. I won't go into too much detail about that at the moment, but I did include a piece of work I have written recently that ties in to this idea. I hope y'all enjoy and once again, thank you for the AMAZING support. xoxo
What is scarier than the unknown?
Isn’t fear just being afraid of the unknown anyways?
So if you fear the unknown, you are just fear.
Fear.
Unknown.
People always ask me what my biggest fear is.
Bees? Darkness? Isolation? Not having control? Pain?
Well, bees, eh. Darkness, a little. Isolation, I’m used to it. Pain, doesn’t phase me.
Not having control. Unknown. Bingo.
Fear.
Unknown.
As of now, there isn’t anything that is concrete. Everything is up in the air.
Everything is unknown.
Most of the questions I answer are answered with I don’t know.
So if everything I am is unknown, doesn’t that mean my biggest fear is myself?
Absolutely.
My body.
My brain.
My pain.
My spine.
My dancing.
My emotions.
My health.
Me.
