6 Weeks

Well sorry everyone for never getting around to writing my 5 week update. There was so much on my mind and I knew I should have written all of my thoughts down, but it just never happened. It's safe to say I've been struggling a lot with the mentality of my life situation. I never really knew how much Chiari would effect my daily life until now. It's crazy to think I lived 3 years with symptoms to have it all turn out to be some rare brain thing. Just my luck!

I have been nothing but positive throughout this whole endeavor which has helped immensely. I was talking to a parent of a dancer at my old studio backstage and she asked me two questions: Will I go back to Cornish and will I be able to dance again. When I replied saying that I don't know and that it's all up in the air, she felt very bad and apologized for asking those questions...but she asked the questions that are on everyone's mind and heart and the ones I tried to burry deep deep down. I have been doing my good ole research on alternate majors and schools in case that my worst fear comes true and dancing is taken away from me. It is beyond hard to even type this, but I have to face every single possibility that could happen to mentally prepare for whatever may come my way so that I can have courage when the unknown becomes the present.

I am determined. I am strong. I have to be, there is no other choice. This chronic illness that I will carry around with me for the rest of my life will not define me or take away who I truly am. I just need to figure out a new way to live. Yes, I do hope to dance once more and to return to Cornish in the fall. Honestly, after spending a full year in the most supportive and inspiring place, I can't imagine myself at a normal 4 year university. I know that art school is where I belong, I'm just hoping God agrees with me.

Physical update: I have been able to spread my pain relievers more throughout the day sometimes even waiting 8 hours to take another oxy pill. I get to drive by myself for the first time tomorrow (don't tell my neurosurgeon hehe). The biggest thing I deal with besides the pain from surgery is my level of fatigue, but Netflix and my puppies have been very great companions to me :) thank you all once again.

#CMstrong

4 Weeks Post-Op Update

I can't believe it's been just about a month since I've had my surgery! It feels like time has gone by so dang slow, but if I reflect on my journey, time has gone by relatively quick. I have been making some pretty good strides. We are successfully weaning me down off my narcotics. I got rid of my 3:15am dose, I only take a muscle relaxer at 12:15am, and during the day my dose of oxy has decreased from 3 to 2 tablets and I every other dose I only take 1 tablet. I'm hoping that this week I will get down to only taking 1 oxy and then if that works, the following week I could take an oxy only if I don't take a muscle relaxer. That's my hope at least!

Lately I have been thinking about how being diagnosed with Chiari is permanently changing my life. Before surgery I was just mainly focused on the fact that I was having a major operation done and honestly I was just trying to get through the rest of the semester at Cornish in one piece. After surgery for the past three weeks I have just been trying to get through the pain and keep myself from not getting too frustrated. I see now that I won't be able to be as adventurous and as carefree as I used to be. I have to be mindful of how I live each day from start to finish because I know that if I push myself too much, I won't be able to do all that I want to do and I will be paying for it the next day. If anything, this diagnosis has taught me to love every minute of every single day and to live more simply. Yes there will be good days and bad days, days where I do end up going over my limit and days where I can't see to think positively. I am prepared for this now, at least I think I am!

There is a really great article/theory for helping others understand what it is like living with a chronic illness and pain disorder. It's called the spoon theory. Below is a link to the awesome article.

Have a great week!

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-chris . . .